To Pursue Emotional Stability, Begin by Accepting Instability
How should we face negative emotions?
It’s a question that lingers quietly in the background of modern life. As one elite tennis player once remarked, “The greatest advantage top athletes have is their ability to swiftly shed negative emotions.” On the court, when a wave of frustration hits, he first acknowledges it, then works through it, allowing equilibrium to return.
This notion—acceptance—is quietly radical. Too often, our first impulse when confronted with discomfort is resistance or denial. We hope that by ignoring or suppressing these feelings, they’ll vanish. But this only breeds fear: fear of the emotions themselves, and fear of the people and situations that provoke them.
Life, much like sport, doesn’t ascend in a straight line. Its course is a spiral—progress is made in the bends, not the straightaways. Learning to accommodate, process, and coexist with our emotions is an essential skill. When we make peace with our feelings, life offers more resilience, and a quiet joy settles in.
Emotional stability is not the absence of emotion.
We talk a lot about being “emotionally stable.” But the phrase is often misunderstood, taken to mean that we must wall ourselves off from feeling, or endure in stoic silence.
Some believe that if we simply avoid emotions, we won’t be affected by them, and so they go to great lengths to evade any emotional stirrings. Others deny the legitimacy of their feelings, suppressing disruptive energies until, inevitably, some spark sets off an explosion.
Emotions are signals from the body. If we allow only the positive and bar the negative, we become slaves to what we refuse to acknowledge. “What you resist persists,” goes the saying—and it’s our resistance and rejection that give negative feelings their destructive power.
Consider the anxiety before an exam: fear breeds more fear, and unchecked, it can sabotage performance. Or the dread of conflict—avoiding the signals of discord only stockpiles tension, turning relationships into ticking time bombs.
There is no hierarchy of emotion. Joy, excitement, sadness, anger, resentment—all serve a purpose. Sometimes, it’s our refusal to admit their legitimacy that gives emotions undue sway.
The problems emotions create are not inherent to the feelings themselves, but to our relationship with them. Like waves, emotions are best navigated not by fighting the current, but by adjusting our sails—sometimes, the fastest way out of a storm is to ride it.
To accept emotion, first understand it.
Psychologists describe emotion as a messenger, illuminating what we value and care about. Emotions are also lighthouses, guiding us toward growth and self-discovery—often, our most precious values hide behind discomfort.
So, when negative emotions arrive, don’t flee. Instead, see them, embrace them, and listen for the direction they’re pointing you toward. Acceptance begins with awareness: feel the physiological ripple, name the emotion—“I’m sad,” “I’m angry,” “I’m anxious”—and remind yourself, “It’s normal to feel this way right now.” Then ask: “What is this feeling trying to tell me? What do I need?”
Negative emotions are clouds passing through the mind’s sky. Rather than fighting them, watch them drift by. Acceptance isn’t indulgence—it’s making space for wisdom to emerge.
Five Practices for Emotional Freedom
Learning to live peacefully with our emotions may be a lifelong lesson, but the right methods can transform negative feelings into upward momentum.
- The Countdown Method
Controlling emotion isn’t about stopping feelings from arising, but about managing our responses. When anger surges, try counting backward, doing mental math, or reading a passage deeply. Neuroscience suggests that activating our “rational brain” calms the “emotional brain,” making regulation possible.
- Deep Breathing
Breath is an anchor. By focusing on the rhythm of inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth, we can find inner steadiness. In moments of anxiety or tension, let fresh air fill your chest and ground you.
- Move Your Body
When unhappiness strikes, move. Research shows that exercise can counter anxiety and depression, and improve sleep. A healthy body and mind are less vulnerable to negativity.
- Dialogue with Emotion
When tangled in negative feelings, find a quiet space, close your eyes, and sit with your emotions. Imagine them as objects—a stone, a flame, a child. Ask: “What are you trying to tell me?” Understanding the message allows the emotion to depart freely.
- Write It Down
Record the events that triggered your feelings and everything swirling inside. Let your emotions flow onto the page. Don’t forget self-compassion—write, “It will be okay,” or “I’m here for myself.” Remind yourself that, no matter what, you are loved.
In the end, no one escapes a life rich with emotion. Rather than controlling, escaping, or suppressing, our task is to coexist—facing our negative feelings without being swept away or controlled by them, and never letting them drive us to harm ourselves or others.
Treat your negative emotions as a lamp illuminating your path, not as a trap to flee. When next you find yourself in their grip, look in the mirror and say, “I accept how I feel right now.”
When we cease to battle our emotions, we find that negativity isn’t a shadow over life, but an indispensable part of a full existence—a guide to what our hearts truly desire.
